Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
