So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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