Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
