I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
