tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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