Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
