Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
