Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
