I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
