based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
