I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
