There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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