Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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