for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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