Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
wow bdsm is so cute
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
