just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
