I wish I could teleport
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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