So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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