so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
