im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
