He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
