Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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