found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
