Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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