I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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