You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nutella sex= disaster
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
