oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
