I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
