I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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