uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
