Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
