Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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