I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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