you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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