i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
