we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
