So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
