Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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