remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
