he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
