just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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