Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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