My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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