Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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