On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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