I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
