I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently you make a good broom.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
