Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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