Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
