there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
