I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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