Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
