The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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