you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
