I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
