Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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