i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
